It was way back in October 2009 that I first had a post about saxophone jokes in this weblog. Given that nearly five years has elapsed since then, I decided it was time to take a trip around the ‘Net and see if I could find some new, current humor.
So without further ado, I present the 2014 collection of some of the best—and worst—saxophone jokes on the ‘Net…
Q – How many sax players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A – Just one, but he keeps messing up and complaining that all his reeds suck.
Q: What do a lawsuit and a saxophone have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn’t!
Q: What do you get when you cross a noisy woodwind with a buff horn?
A: A very saxy-phone.
Q: Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?
A: Because he kept ignoring the key signature. He thought it was just a suggestion.
Q: How are a saxophone and a guillotine similar?
A: 1. They are both lethal.
2. They are both always sharp.
3. They both work best when dropped from high places.
Q: What’s the difference between a sax and a vacuum cleaner?
A: Vacuum cleaners don’t use vibrato.
Q: What’s the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
Q: What is the definition of a half step?
A: Two altos playing in unison.
Q: What do a saxophone and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Q: What do you call a Conn Naked Lady?
Q: What are trumpets made out of?
A: Leftover saxophone parts.
Q: How is a tenor sax solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it’s coming, but you can’t do anything about it.
Q: What do you call a perfect pitch?
A: A saxophone landing in the middle of a dumpster!
Q: How do you define a perfect pitch?
A: Throwing an alto sax in a toilet from 20 feet with out hitting the rim.
Q: What’s the difference between a tenor sax player and a macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious, and noisy, and the other is a bird.
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q: What’s the difference between a jazz saxophonist and savings bonds?
A: The savings bonds will actually mature and make money.
Q: What is the best recording of the Creston Saxophone Sonata?
A: Music Minus One.
A man walks into a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looks at the selections:
Flute Brains $1/pound
Percussion Brains $5/pound
Tuba Brains $10/pound
Saxophone Brains $100/pound
He asks the butcher why saxophone brains are so expensive. The butcher replied, “Do you know how many saxophone players you have to kill to get a pound of brains?”
Q: What did the saxophone player get on his IQ test?
Q: What’s the least used sentence in the English language?
A: Isn’t that the bass sax player’s Porsche?
Q: What’s the difference between a saxophonist and a lawnmower?
A: A lawnmower cuts grass; a sax player smokes it.
A Belgian invented the saxophone in 1846 as a joke. The Americans still haven’t got it.
Q: Five saxophonists are going to a gig in a six-seater SUV. The SUV crashes and all the players die. Why isn’t this a tragedy?
A: There could have been one more seat filled.
Q: What’s the best form of birth control for sax players?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What’s the difference between a tenor sax solo and a bottomless pit?
A: It’s reasonable to hope that a bottomless pit won’t go on forever.
Q: How do you get a jazz tenor to play softer?
A: Give him some music.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead saxophonist in the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the snake.
There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for, and the chief answers: “The drums must not stop.” The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night the drums keep on going, so he got no sleep at all. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn’t stop. The chief answered, “Because when drum solo stop, sax solo start.”
Q: how do you increase the aerodynamics of a sax player’s car?
A: take off the domino’s pizza sign.
Q: How many baritone sax players does it take to pop popcorn?
A: Two. One to hold the popper, and one to shake the stove.
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of alto players.
They called down to ground control with their list of demands, and added that if their demands weren’t met, they would release one alto player every hour.
Q: What’s the difference between a soprano sax and a cat in heat?
A: Not much, really.