The Best eBay Ad Ever!

When I was sent a link to this auction yesterday, I laughed so hard, I nearly cried. My condolences to all you Holton lovers out there. Another one indeed has bit the dust.

     Source: smwaller2 on eBay.com

     Source: smwaller2 on eBay.com

In likely the funniest eBay ad I’ve ever seen, here’s how the seller describes this flattened tenor:

Tenor Saxophone Art Piece. I bought this Holton, from Elkhorn, WI, Tenor at a flea market about 35 years ago. After finding out what it would cost to get it back into playing condition again (way too much for a college student, and since I’m a drummer…) my buddy and I discussed what could be done with it. As we came over the next hill, fate intervened. Just as I said, “so what the f@#k am I gonna do with this thing?”, on the horizon was a man driving (you guessed it)…a steam roller. My friend and I began laughing uncontrollably. I asked the driver if he would “mind running over this saxophone for me?”. And with a bored, I-get- this-all-the-time-and-I’m-pretty-sick-of-it-by-now look and tone he causally said “set it down in front of me”. It flattened out very nicely (although the plastic mouth piece shattered into a fine black dust). My friend and I were quite amused by this adventure and its artistic result. The driver didn’t stop, slow down, or even look back to admire his work.

After 35 years on my wall. It’s time to let this one of a kind piece go to the next guy. Very cool sliver finish with black patina. Please give it a good home.

     Source: smwaller2 on eBay.com

Now you Holton lovers are probably not laughing right now. Like I said at the outset, sorry about your loss. However, even you gotta’ admit, the Q&A portion of this ad is pretty damn funny:

Questions and answers about this item

May 01, 2012

Q: hELLO, Do you happen to have the 2 tone holes that became unsoldered during the process? Are all the keys moving freely? Thanks,

A: What you see in the pics is all I have. All movement of the keys was severely restricted by the steam roller.

Apr 30, 2012

Q: If I win the auction, can I just meet with you for delivery, without having to pay the shipping ? Brad

A: Absolutely! I hate shipping. I hope you win it. Steve

Apr 29, 2012

Q: Out side of the obvious flaws does it have any digs or re-solders that don’t show in the photos? Also, does it come with a case and mouthpiece? Thanks…

A: No case, no mouthpiece. The sax was old and unrestored when I bought it 35 years ago. The only modification is that it’s now about 3/4″ thick. Other than that, it’s in outstanding original condition.

Apr 28, 2012

Q: This is the best auction I have seen on eBay EVER!

A: Ummm..I..ummm…Thanks. Hope you get it. Steve

Ah yes, one of my favourite lines:

The only modification is that it’s now about 3/4″ thick. Other than that, it’s in outstanding original condition.

😆  😆  😆  😆

     Source: smwaller2 on eBay.com

Out side of the obvious flaws does it have any digs or re-solders that don’t show in the photos?

Oh I suspect it would play great after a restoration. 😆  :devil1:

     Source: smwaller2 on eBay.com

OK, so if this flattened, Holton tenor would look great on your wall, you’ve only got a couple of days to get your bids in. The auction for this piece of wall art ends on May 5. There were 5 bids at the time of writing, with the high bid being $15.50.